Many people think that domestic violence begins with hitting or other forms of physical violence. It doesnt.
Domestic violence can include any or all of the following forms. It starts with controlling behavior, name calling and other small acts. Abusive behavior by a boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, husband, ex-husband is a crime called domestic violence.
Usually it begins with some form of Emotional Abuse.
This can be name calling, put downs or controlling behavior such as saying things like:
. You look fat. Youll never amount to anything.
. You need me to make decisions. Name calling bitch, slut, ho etc.
Controlling behavior may begin with statements like:
. Dont wear that, wear this.
. Dont be friends with them. They dont care about you like I do.
. Why do you want to spend time with them when you can spend time with me?
. If you really cared you would
. Nobody will ever love you like I love you.
Its important to know that for there to be abuse there must be a pattern. Anyone can make a
statement similar to any of the above once. But more than that begins a pattern that can
escalate into other forms of abuse including assault, rape and may even end in death.
The pattern is called domestic violence.
Battering behavior may include or escalate to:
• Pushing • Grabbing • Pinching • Hitting • Sexual Assault • Choking • Stabbing • Murder • Suicide
Abuse may at first be presented in the context of joking around or horseplay.
The abuser may say statements like:
I didnt mean anything by it. Geez. Cant you take a joke?
Abusive behavior towards another person is not a joke.
It should always be taken seriously and never be taken lightly.
Love builds a person up. It doesnt tear them down and its never abusive.
Facts and Stats Children in Domestic Violence Households
At least 70% of men who batter their wives, sexually or physically abuse their children. All children suffer from witnessing their father assault their mother. (End Domestic Violence.Com)
In over half of all domestic violence situations, the children are also physically abused. (National Domestic Violence Media Campaign, 1995).
Children exposed to partner violence exhibit symptoms similar to children who are physically and sexually abused, including the perpetuation of violence. (Davidson, 1995)
Girls whose fathers batter their mothers are 6.5 times more likely to be sexually abused by their fathers than are girls form non-violent homes. (The Bridge:http://www.thebridgetohope.com)
Almost ten percent of high school age girls said “yes” when asked if “a boyfriend or date has ever forced sex against your will.” (The Commonwealth Fund Survey of the Health of Adolescent Girls, November 1997)
The U.S. Advisory Board on Child Abuse suggests that domestic violence may be the single major precursor to child abuse and neglect fatalities in this country. (U.S. Advisory Board on Child Abuse and Neglect, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, A Nation’s Shame: Fatal Child Abuse and Neglect in the United States: Fifth Report, 1995)
Children experiencing domestic violence at home are more likely to attempt suicide, abuse drugs and alcohol, run away from home, engage in teenage prostitution, and commit sexual assault crimes. (Wolfe, D.A., Wekerle, C., Reitzel, D. and Gough, R., “Strategies to Address Violence in the Lives of High Risk Youth.” In Peled, E., Jaffe, P.G. and Edleson, J.L. (eds.), Ending the Cycle of Violence: Community Responses to Children of Battered Women. New York: Sage Publications. 1995.)
Some common effects of domestic violence on children include:
• feeling responsible for the abuse given to their mother
• constant anxiety and grief
• fears of abandonment and physical harm
• isolation
• excessive absence from school
• stress
• eating disorders
• violent behavior Source: Sanctuary for Families Staff
